Bonding Time
by edwart
Summary: Emmett decides that it's about time he spent some quality time with Bella. So where does he take her, and why does she need a bathing suit? Pure parody.


_Summary: Emmett decides that it's about time he spent some quality time with Bella. So where does he take her, and why does she need a bathing suit? Pure parody._

_I do not in any way own 'Twilight', the characters or anything. This is purely for fun and for entertainment purposes._

* * *

BPOV

All I wanted was to spend the day with Edward at his house, but I barely made it to the stairs before Emmett and Alice made their move.

"Bella, I have a new dress to show you! It's _Dolce_ - Dolce Bella!" Alice said excitedly, clapping and inclining her head towards the living room, where she no doubt had several new outfits to parade around in.

"No Alice," Emmett said, talking to her as if she was a small child who needed to be scolded for eating a cookie and spoiling her dinner.

"_I'm _spending time with Bella today," Emmett finished.

_What?_

"No, I am!" Alice complained, stomping her foot.

"No, _I_ am!" Emmett argued back, mimicking her movement.

"Both of you shut it," Edward said. "Bella and I are going to spend the day together - end of story."

Alice sighed and left the room, shooting Edward one last glare before slamming the door behind her.

"_Edward_," Emmett complained. "I wanna spend time with Bella!"

"No."

"C'mon! _Please_?"

"Ugh," I said, throwing my hands in the air in frustration. "Fine! Edward we can do something this afternoon, right?"

He sighed and nodded, before kissing my forehead and then warning Emmett to make sure I was kept safe.

"Ok Bells, first we're going back to Charlie's," he said, all but shoving me out the front door.

"Why?"

"Well, you need to get a bathing suit. Preferably a one-piece, because - well, let's face it: you aren't very well…," he trailed off, gesturing towards my chest.

I shoved him which, of course, did nothing.

* * *

After I gathered my bathing suit from Charlie's, Emmett insisted that I keep my eyes closed while he drives me to our 'unknown destination'. When I felt the car stop and heard Emmett cut the engine, I opened my eyes and raised my eyebrow at him, completely confused.

"Why are we at the Forks Rec. Centre?" I asked.

"They have a pool," he shrugged.

"And _this_ is your idea of brother-sister bonding time? You want to swim all morning?"

"_No_, silly!" He laughed, mussing up my hair. "I'm going to teach you how to swim."

"I already _know_ how to swim!"

He laughed, casually wrapping an arm around me. "Ok Bella, _sure_ you do!"

"Don't patronize me!"

"_Shh_," he whispered. "Inside voices now."

I rolled my eyes and walked inside with him.

* * *

It was the most humiliating thing. Emmett insisted that we use the small pool, designed for children under the age of ten who are learning to swim.

The water barely touched my waist, but Emmett wouldn't budge and let me swim in the adult pool.

He put a whistle around his neck and handed me a set of inflatable armbands.

"Edward told me to make sure you were safe," he said, when I protested against wearing them.

"Okay," he said, looking himself up and down to make sure he had everything he needed.

"First you're going to learn breaststroke."

He briefly taught me what to do and then ordered me to begin.

"No, no, _no_! All wrong! Miss Swan, are you interested in taking this class, or not?"

"You're the one who is forcing me to do this! I don't even _need _this!" I replied, yelling in frustration.

"Uh oh," he said, smiling as he shook his head. "Looks like _Belly-Welly_ forgot to take her nap today! Is someone a little grumpy?"

"Shut up!" I screeched, causing everyone around us to turn and stare. One mother glared at me as she covered her young daughter's ears.

"Ugh," I muttered, ignoring them. "I am _not _a _child_!"

"Then be an adult, and try it again," Emmett suggested calmly.

I did as he said, but he stopped me abruptly again.

"No. _Breaststroke_, Bella!"

"I am doing it!"

I slapped my arms against the water, successfully saturating him, and then reached for the ladder, yanking myself up and stomping over to the adult pool, ripping off my inflatable armbands as I did so.

Emmett followed me and then wiped across his eyes, getting the water off his face.

"Bella, that was rude."

"Sorry Emmett," I sighed.

"Do not refer to me as 'Emmett', I would instead prefer you call me Lifeguard Cullen."

"_Lifeguard_?"

"That's right, Bella! I am an official lifeguard, got my certificate and everything. All off the internet. Oh, and I'm also a reverend, a masseuse and a Rabbi - got the last one for you, Bells," he said winking.

"I'm…not Jewish, Emmett."

"The hell you aren't!" He said, laughing as if I'd been joking with him.

"Uh, no really, I'm not."

Emmett continued laughing until he realised I was serious. He then stopped abruptly and looked extremely confused.

"Can we get back to the lesson?"

"Right. Okay: Breaststroke, and make it snappy!" He said, shoving me into the water.

I gasped, swallowing a large amount of water. I flailed my arms around as I struggled to resurface myself due to the shock. Emmett had underestimated his strength in comparison to my fragile human body, and had subsequently shoved me to hard, causing me to get head rush. I managed to pull myself above the water and gasped for air. I saw him raise an eyebrow before my dizziness led me to sink back under.

And then Emmett was in the pool with me, wrapping his arms around my waist and backstroking towards the ladder at the end of the pool, when there was one right beside us.

"Move it!" He screeched as he shoved people out of the way.

He pulled me out of the water and lay me down.

"I'm fine!"

"Get an ambulance!" He screeched to a woman standing nearby.

"Oh god, I can't get a pulse!"

"That's because you're touching my knee, not my wrist!"

He ignored me and stretched his arms out at either side of him.

"Give me room, people! Don't crowd me!" He yelled, although no one was even near us.

He slammed his palm down against my chest, and it took me a few minutes to realise that he was attempting CPR.

"Stop-" I spluttered out before his lips stretched over mine, furiously blowing cold air into my mouth.

He pounded his fist against my chest once more and some of the water I'd swallowed rushed out of my mouth.

"She's _alive_!" Emmett yelled in happiness, pulling me against his chest. "Oh sweet Bella is saved! Oh thank you Jesus! Oh and thank you _Moses_!" He exclaimed, winking at me again.

"I am not Jewish!"

People began to applaud, truly believing that I had almost drowned. One man even approached Emmett and shook his hand, announcing he was a reporter for the local paper and wanted to run a story about the new 'hero of the Rec. Centre'. I struggled to stomach that.

I sat up ignoring everyone as more and more people congratulated Emmett.

I shoved my way through the small crowd of people, heading towards the bathroom to change back into my clothes.

* * *

"So that was fun," Emmett said as he drove us back to the Cullen house.

"Edward is going to murder you," I muttered, rubbing my head as it still hurt from the head rush.

"No, I saved his girlfriend's life today, he will give me a medal! Ooh! I wonder if I will get a medal!"

The reporter had called and invited some of his reporter friends to come down and meet the new hero in person. He'd agreed to undertake a full interview with them tomorrow.

I refused to comment.

When we got home Edward was waiting on the front porch, shaking his head.

"Hey Edward, no need to thank me, I know you'd do the same for Rosalie."

"No need to _thank_ you? Are you kidding me Emmett! You could have had her killed! She almost drowned! You were so reckless, Emmett! She is _fragile_!" Edward exclaimed.

"She _is_ fragile," Emmett agreed. "Like a little butterfly, gently fluttering its wings as it glides through a meadow in the spring."

"_WHAT_?" Edward spluttered in shock.

"Yeah, _what_?" I agreed.

"Hey, I write poetry, you know! Mostly beat poems."

Edward shook his head in utter astonishment and reached for me, gently rubbing my shoulders as I was still clad in only my bathing suit with a damp towel draped across my shoulders, meaning I was shivering violently, as the sky had clouded over.

Emmett had accidentally 'lost' my clothes, so I had nothing to change back into.

Edward led me inside, where Esme smiled at me sweetly.

"I'll go fetch you something to wear."

"Thanks."

Rosalie glared at Emmett as he walked inside and slapped him repeatedly on his arm with her magazine.

"How. Could. You. Be. So. Stupid!" she said, in between hits.

"HEY! I'm a _hero_, alright!"

She rolled her eyes and left the room.

Alice handed me a hot chocolate and smiled sympathetically.

"She's going to need to sit down, she almost drowned today," Alice said, speaking only to Edward. He nodded and Alice sat down, turning the television on.

"I swear to you, Edward. I _saved _her! It was amazing. It was like I was some kind of _angel _sent to her in her time of need. It was powerful."

"What is _wrong_ with you!"

"Nothing, Edward. Nothing."

"Ugh!" Edward muttered in frustration.

We three were interrupted by the sound of Alice gasping.

"Hey Emmett, _look_! You're on the news!"

* * *

Thoughts? (:


End file.
